Birth plan B – single mothers of choice
All I could say while he was picked up in the ambulance was “she can’t come now, she can’t come now.” The doors closed and I couldn’t think of anything but the girl inside me. I was in premature labor at 28 weeks pregnant.
When I arrived at the hospital, the paramedics rushed me down the hall. As I lay on the side of the cinnamon to relieve the pain, the worried look was reflected in the strange faces of the people lining the emergency room. I stopped briefly at a desk to get a bracelet, which simply said "Kim."
A nurse and a very young doctor were waiting in a room. While I was answering their questions, more people and large machines arrived. They shouted at each other and at me. I was embarrassed. I apologized for not being prepared. I told them I was taking a birth class tomorrow. I would be prepared tomorrow, but not today. They told me how to press. All I could say was "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
I remember looking at a clock on the wall and thinking about every contraction "and it will pass." My daughter was born so quickly. My dream was here. The doctor pressed my abdomen and placed it in a bowl after the birth. I wanted to see him, to whisper goodbye to my twin, lost at 9 weeks.
After I was taken to my postpartum room, the rush of adrenaline from birth did not leave me to rest. I remember walking on the floor of the hospital room, alone, waiting to say goodbye to her. People in red flight suits would take her back to the nearest neonatal intensive care unit. When I saw her in that plastic box, I whispered through the cracks, "Hello, I'm your mother."
My daughter's birthday didn't go as planned. After a few quick moments, I had learned to trust people I had never seen before. I trusted them with everything I appreciated. They held my hand and told me what to do. They took care of my daughter. They took care of me and I am so grateful.
Well, she came that day. I wasn't ready and it wasn't what I expected. Life is not what I expected it to be, but I love it just like that and that's why I tell the story of my daughter's birth.